Risotto is pretty good, but I always tend to never make it.I seem to forget about it – I do not know why.I will try and remind myself to make it more often, but maybe I will even forget the reminder.Who knows?!
Whenever I make risotto, I think of a couple things.One of those things is the amount of stirring it takes to make a good risotto, and the other is a bit more abstract.Or stupid.You know that horrible Styx song?
This one?
Maybe the song would be better if it was called ‘Mr Risotto’ ? I doubt it.
Anyways, one of the big crops I have been harvesting out of my vegetable garden of late has been zucchini.I have a lot of zucchini.I mean, really, a lot.I did not even know what to do with all this zucchini, so I asked some of my lovely followers on twitter what they would do.I received some good answers, some not so good answers, and plenty of snark.That is my own doing, as I tend to only answer a question seriously maybe one out of every 5 to 6 questions.
No one gave me the idea for the risotto, I gave myself the answer.Asking that question was beyond a waste of time.My followers can go fuck themselves.But not really, I am just kidding. X’s and o’s and all that crap.
This zucchini risotto, like any risotto demands a lot of stirring, thus you need a strong arm and wrist or you will get tired.I have no such worries, thanks to years of masturbating.I could be joking, I may not be joking.Did I just make a masturbation joke in a risotto recipe? Yes, yes I did.
Ingredients.
- 1 yellow onion, diced.
- 2-3 tablespoons of olive oil.
- 3 tablespoons of minced garlic.
- 1 zucchini, diced.
- 6 cups of vegetable stock.
- 2 cups of arborio rice.
- 4 teaspoons of basil.
- 2 teaspoons of oregano.
- A couple dashes of salt.
- A couple dashed of pepper.
First thing you should do, and this is important : You need to get yourself into the kitchen.That is an essential part of cooking, as usual.Heat up the vegetable stock, over medium heat, and let it sit and simmer.In another pan, saute the onion in the olive oil.
Cook the onion for about 5 minutes, over medium heat and then add in the garlic and the zucchini and cook for another few minutes.Stir in the rice, and cook all that for a couple minutes.
Now for the fun part.Pour one cup of the vegetable stock into the onions, zucchini and rice mix.Stir constantly till all that liquid is absorbed, gone.Repeat!
After stirring and added a cup of stock three times, not two times, not four times, but three times, stir in the basil, oregano, salt and pepper.
Pour and stir in the remaining cups of stock, one cup at a time, as before.
You can top with some parsley, or perhaps some vegan cheese topping.I did, and I know you want to be just like me.So, go for it, skipper.
They say waiting and working hard for something is truly rewarding.That tends to be fucking bullshit, and we know it.Sure, it is exciting and it makes you oh so happy but that is just because you have been driving yourself nuts waiting and working.
Oh, yay! How thrilling and rewarding!
I sound bitter, and I shouldn’t, as I am not.I just hate waiting, and I avoid working whenever I can.Is that so wrong? Yeah, it probably is.Whatever.
You are probably wondering what this has to do with anything, well it has everything to do with everything, including these vegetable pasties.They took work, and waiting. Two things I do not like! But, yes, they were quite tasty, so that whole fucking hard work bullshit probably does come to fruition.
Crap, does that mean my whole spiel about working and waiting is now void? It is possible, anything is possible, you will just have to wait and see.
Crust Ingredients.
- 2 cups of flour.
- Pinch of sugar, or two.
- Pinch of salt.
- 8 tablespoons of vegetable shortening.
- 1/2 a cup of water, if that.
Okay, so I did some research, as I so often do.You know, I like to know the facts, and then share them here. That is apparently how I roll, or whatever.Anyways, to make a truly flaky pie crust, you want to use as little water as possible.You use too much, you are fucked, too little? Well, you will not be able to make a crust and you will just have a pile of crumbly flour, silly person.
So, remember that, when you follow my directions, okay? Okay.
Mix the flour, salt and sugar.You can use a sifter, if you want.You may as well use that sifter you never use.Now, mix in the shortening, tablespoon at a time, mix in well with a fork.Now, add your water.Remember what I just said!
You will need to roll it out, and knead it.It is going to be super crumbly, and seem like you need more water, but the more you work it, the more it will become a dough.Does that make sense, does anything make sense?
Once you have made it into a dough, and it should be still be slightly crumbly, place it in your fridge, and let it cool for a couple hours.
Vegetable Filling Ingredients.
- 1 small onion, diced.
- 2 tablespoons of minced garlic.
- 1 medium sized potato, peeled, and chopped into 1/2 inch cubes.
- 1 carrot, peeled and cut into 1/2 cubes.
- 1 cup of zucchini, cubed, again.
- 1 cup of eggplant, cubed, again.
- 1 cup of vegetable stock.
- 1 tablespoon of balsamic vinegar.
- 1 tablespoon of oregano.
- 1 tablespoon of olive oil.
Okay, so heat up the oil in a skillet, or frying pan.Saute the onions for 5 minutes, over medium heat, then toss in them inced garlic and cook a further couple of minutes.
Now, add in the vegetable stock,oregano,balsamic vinegar, carrots, potatoes, and let it simmer for 15 minutes, till the stock is nearly gone.You should now add in the eggplant and zucchini and cook for a further 5 minutes, or so.
Now it is time to build the pasties, how exciting.First, pre-heat your oven to 410 degrees.
Roll out your dough, it will be tough, but can be done.What I did was I broke up the dough into several pieces and rolled out each piece.I used a bowl to cut out the dough.The bowl was about 5 inches, so work with that.
Cut the shapes out with a knife, and repeat the process till all your dough is rolled, and cut into circles.
Brush the edges of each circle with a little water, and place a large tablespoon of filling, maybe a touch more, in the the middle of each piece.
Fold the circle in half, slightly pinch and twist the two corners, and using a fork, a wet fork, poke and fold in the edges.Now, I should have told you this before, but I will now.Melt a few tablespoons of Earth Balance, and brush it allover each pastie, and brush a baking pan with melted Earth Balance, as well.
I should have maybe said that before, but it slipped my mind, deal with it.I am sorry, that sounded pushy and maybe rude.
Anyways, so filling, fold, fork, brush with butter, and place each piece on a baking pan that has also been brushed with Earth Balance.
Bake for 25-30 minutes, they are a nice golden brown.
While they are baking, you can make this tomato dipping sauce.Huzzah, or not.You could already have a jar of tomato sauce, as you may be lazy, or just think you are a decent cook yet use store bought tomato sauce.Hey, it is your life, buddy.
Tomato Dipping Sauce Ingredients.
- 1 small onion, diced.
- 2 tablespoons of minced garlic.
- 1 tablespoon of olive oil.
- 2 or so cups of diced tomatoes, or one can of diced tomatoes.
- 1 tablespoon of basil.
- 1 tablespoon of oregano.
- 1 tablespoon of balsamic vinegar.
heat the oil up in a pan, saute the onion for 5 minutes, add the minced garlic, cook that another 5 minutes.Stir once in a while, as it will make you feel like you know what you are doing, and it will impress any dates that may be watching you.
Toss in the tomatoes, basil, oregano, balsamic vinegar, and let that simmer for 15 minutes.Has it been 15 minutes? Alright, place this in your processor, and puree it.I left mine slightly chunky, as was my wish, but you can choose chunkiness levels for yourself.
You made your pasties, you made your dipping sauce, you may now eat.I hope.I mean you could just make food for fun, but that sounds totally odd to me, and that is saying something.I know odd, and would be indeed odd.
So, there.A lot of work, and some waiting, and some time, and you have yourself some delicious vegetable pasties.Pasties as a word confuses me, aren’t those also those thing people put on boobs?I think so, and by ” people” I mean those dancer types, not just people, that would also be odd.Maybe.
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If you make crepes, and then go to the bathroom, are you taking a crapes?
Yes, I know, that was beyond horrible.Truly, truly, truly horrific.Get off my back, I tried.I do not see you coming around here trying to make a joke, or some funny remark.No, I do not.
Anyways, I made something like this at some point, before, and actually posted it here.I am not going to bother linking to it, for the same reason I am posting this now, this is better.Better images, better text (maybe?) just better all around.That is what I am claiming anyways, and this blog.So, I can do those kind of things.Deal with it.
We, or rather I, will split this up into three parts, and you can pick and decide which if any of them that you would like to make.I am generous like that.Hell, I am a martyr to my own generosity, it is the cross I bear.
Crepes Ingredients.
- 2 cups of chickpea flour.
- 2 cups of water.
- 3 tablespoons of olive oil.
- 1 teaspoon of salt.
- 1 teaspoon of pepper.
You may use a blender, a bowl, whatever, it is your choice! But whichever do you select, mix those ingredients.So simple.You have your crepes batter.To cook them, heat up a skillet , or one of those fun pancake pan things; Their name escapes me but you know what I mean.
Once it is heated up to medium heat, brush with oil, and pour out your batter, about 1/8th of an inch thick.Let them cook for 3-4 minutes, till the top that you can see is no longer a liquid, but a solid.
There, you made some chickpea crepes.
Crepes Filling Ingredients.
- 2 small carrots, peeled and cut diagonally.
- 1/2 an eggplant, cut diagonally.
- 1 zucchini, sliced diagonally.
- 1 teaspoon of caraway seed.
- 1 teaspoon of oregano.
- Few dashes of salt.
- Few dashes of pepper.
- 2 tablespoons of olive oil.
Over medium heat, heat up the oil, and cook the caraway seed and oregano.Cook till you start to smell the flavors, around 3-4 minutes.Toss in the carrot strips, and cook for 5-6 minutes, then add in the eggplant and zucchini.Stir, cook, toss in some salt, toss in some pepper, stir.Okay, that was easy.
Couscous with Roasted Chickpeas Ingredients.
- 3-4 cups of prepared couscous.
- 2-3 plum tomatoes, diced.
- 1 cup of roasted chickpeas.Try mine.
- 3/4th cup of raisins.
- 2 teaspoons of thyme.
- 2 teaspoons of cinnamon.
- 1 teaspoon of basil.
- Lemon juice.
So, you know how to make couscous, right? I mean it makes making pasta complicated.Seriously.So, I am not going to help you on this one, sorry.Fine.
Here you go : http://lmgtfy.com/?q=how+to+cook+couscous
Now, this is very simple, once you have your cooked couscous, just add the remaining ingredients, other than the lemon juice.You can either replace all this back in the pot you made the couscous in, or cook it through in your oven.Your choice.
I squeezed some lemon juice on mine, you could also use olive oil, or maybe even some butter.I added some roasted red peppers, and tomatoes to my crepes, because I can.
Do you need me to tell you how all this goes together, too? Yeah, you guessed it, I am not going to.I have things to do, you know.Like, um, er, um…Well, that is my business.
I could have just called this a vegetable stew, instead of a ragout.But, this name makes it sound more like I know what I am doing, more like I am an actual chef.Vegetable Ragout just sounds more fancy.I like fancy, you like fancy, we all like fancy.Well, I hope you like fancy, or perhaps you like simplicity.Maybe you just are boring.Be boring, see if I care.Though, I might.
Honestly, I will not care, or will try my best not to.
Ragout is a thicker type stew, or so I think.So, it does fit, as this is something you can eat off a plate, not a bowl.That makes sense to me.Whatever, just try the fucking recipe.
Ingredients.
- Two tablespoons of olive oil.
- Onion, slices, chopped into thin half-moons.
- 2 tablespoons of minced garlic.
- A cup of vegetable stock.
- One carrot, grated.
- One zucchini, chopped into little strips.
- One cup of frozen corn.
- One cup of edamame beans.
- One tomato, chopped, diced.
- One tablespoon of tarragon.
- One tablespoon of basil.
- Half a tablespoon of oregano.
- 1 teaspoon of thyme.
Heat the oil in a large pan, on medium heat.Cook the onion and garlic till the onions start to become soft.Now, and this could really be hard,I mean really hard, add the vegetables other then the tomato, and the vegetable stock.Once it comes to a boil, lower the heat and cook till the zucchini becomes somewhat soft.
Toss and mix in your seasonings and tomato, and cook another 5 minutes.
Serve with some polenta, whatever, I do not care.I enjoyed mine with a baked potato.
So, there.
I was thinking the other day, yesterday to be precise, that I wanted some vegetables, including potatoes.I had just cooked some chickpeas, too.So, I pondered my next move, wondering to myself “Oh, you, what will you make for dinner?” Okay, I did not think that, nor do I talk to myself like that.I promise.
The question was answered by just chopping some stuff up, tossing in some herbs, oil, and balsamic vinegar and roasting myself a meal.I am quite efficient like that.Totally.Really, truly, I am.
Ingredients.
- 2 large potatoes, the kind best used for baked potatoes, whatever they are called.Chop and cub them.
- 2 zucchini, chopped into half moons, or something like that.
- 2 carrots, peeled and chopped into half moons.
- Cup of green beans.
- Cup of chickpeas.Soaked, cooked, rinsed.
- 1/3rd a cup of olive oil.
- 2 tablespoons of balsamic vinegar.
- Tablespoon of rosemary.
- 3 teaspoons of thyme.
- Salt.
- Pepper.
Preheat your oven to 450 degrees.I hope you have an oven, or you will not be able to make this.But, who does not own an oven? Maybe weirdos, or those raw people.I hope you are not either, that would be awkward.
Mix the veggies and chickpeas in a large bowl.Take a smaller bowl, and mix the oil, and all the seasonings.Now, toss the oil mix with the vegetables.
Now add in the balsamic vinegar.Lay out the veggies on a baking pan and place in the oven, stirring them every ten minutes.Cook for 45 minutes.
Serve as your meal, or as a side, suit yourself.I do not fucking care.
I have been lazy , lately.I put a lot of effort into these posts, you know.I do, or maybe I do not, that really should not be your concern.The point I am trying to make, I think, is sometimes, even when I have like 5 posts I could pop out, I just do not feel like doing it.Whatever.
So, I feel like I am a bit backed up, and should get back on track.Maybe I will, maybe I will not.Anyways, some time last week I made this sandwich, you could make it, too.But, only if you wanted.You could also lie, and say you did, and how delish it was.That way, I might feel better about myself, if you actually cared.Maybe you do, maybe you do not.
Ingredients.
- 8 slices of eggplant.
- Egg replacer, three ” eggs” worth, mixed with the specified amount of water.
- Bowl of bread crumbs.
- 1/2 cup or so of marinara sauce.
- 1/4 a cup or so of Daiya Mozz cheese.
- 1/2 a cup of zucchini, sliced.
- 1/2 cup of balsamic vinegar.
- 1/2 of sweet red pepper.
- A few tablespoons of pesto.
- Bread, obviously.I used a couple slices of the bread I had just made a few days before.
This is fairly easy.Preheat your oven to 350 degrees.Take your slices of eggplant, and dunk them in the egg replacer, then the breadcrumbs, and then lay out on a sprayed baking pan.Bake on one side for 2o minutes, flip them and cook for another 20 minutes.Once you put them in the oven, marinate the zucchini slices in balsamic vinegar.
Is the eggplant ready? Okay, now lay a layer of marinara sauce in a casserole dish, then lay the eggplant out, followed by the shreads of daiya cheese.Place in oven and cook for maybe 10 minutes, just till the cheese is a bit melty.
Now, using a spatula lay out the eggplant.You will only use half, as I had you make enough for two sandwiches,I am nice like that.Now add a layer of the zucchini, followed by the sweet red pepper, and top with the other slice of bread, which you should have spread the pesto on.
I would also suggest toasting the bread, if I was you.If you do not want to, that is your right, as a human.But, it may be a bit soggy.Whatever floats your boat, captain.
I will just judge you, harshly.
So, I made crackers, then I made brownies, and suddenly realized sometimes.I had not made any dinner.Well, I could have just ate brownies for dinner, I could.But, I felt I should be a good boy, or as good as I can be, and make some actual food for dinner.I wanted chickpeas, and I wanted vegetables.
So, I chopped up this, chopped up that, and took it from there.Yeah, if you had not already guessed; I am a bit of a wild guy.Watch out for me.
So, I went into chopping frenzy.Well, once I picked out of the fridge what would be cooked, and more importantly: What I would be eating.
That is the frenzy of the chopping, and such.Colorful, isn’t it?
Ingredients.
- Cup of Chickpeas, cooked and rinsed.Ready to go.
- 3 tablespoons of minced garlic.
- 1 green pepper, chopped into rings.
- 1 red pepper, chopped into rings.
- 1 onion, yellow, chopped into half moon rings.
- 1 zucchini, chopped into coin shapes, I do not fucking know.Look at the photo.
- Mushrooms, chopped up.I would say about a cup and a half.
- 1 tomato, chopped into medium sized cubes.
- 3 tablespoons of tomato paste.
- 2 tablespoons of vegetable stock.
- 2 tablespoons of cooking sherry.
- Tablespoon of thyme.
- Tablespoon of oregano.
- 1/3 cup of sliced black olives.
- Salt
- Pepper.
Get yourself a big pot, with a lid.I am not sure the order matters, but I placed the garlic, followed by all the vegetables.
I then added the chickpeas, paste, thyme, oregano,vegetable stock,sherry, and put the heat on to medium.lid it, and let it come to a boil.Mix frequently.Once it comes to a boil, lower the heat and let it simmer, still mixing frequently, for about a half hour.
Now, salt and pepper, and add the olives.Mix it once more, and let it cook for another 5 minutes.
Serve with some parsley.
For something I kind of just made up in my strange little mind, it was not half bad.Well, I guess it would have to be for me to be writing this.Maybe.I suppose you will never know, unless you made it.Or, whatever.
I could say I have been a bad host; I have hardly posted anything in the last week, or so.Well, I could say that, I really could.But, guess what? I am not going to, fuck off if you thought I should.
What can I offer? Vegetables with couscous.I stole the idea, kind of, from here.
It is a fast and easy dish, much like myself, or something.But, enough about me.
Ingredients.
- Cup and another one forth a cup of Couscous.
- Cup of water, with Salt.
- Cup of thinly sliced Carrots.
- Cup of thinly sliced Zucchini.
- Cup of thinly sliced Summer Squash.
- Cup of Chickpeas.
- Half a cup of Raisins.
- 2 Tbsp Olive Oil.
- Tbsp of Thyme.
- Tbsp of Oregano.
- Tbsp of Basil.
- Salt and pepper, to taste.
This is easy.I like saying that, and maybe say it to often.However, this is easy.So, take your trusted skillet, and heat up the oil in it.Now, toss in your carrots, squash, and zucchini.Cook till they soften, I would gather around 8 or so minutes.I should add I cooked them over medium heat.Yes, that information could be needed.
Meanwhile, get that water and salt boiling.Once it is boiling
take off the burner, and pour in the couscous.Let it sit for 5 minutes.Back to the skillet,add the remaining ingredients, including the seasonings.Now mix in the couscous, toss it, mix it, whatever.
Serve, eat,lick, whatever it is you like to do with your food.
This is quite a duo.the sandwich itself is fantastic, while the zucchini chips would make a delish snack.Yeah, I said “delish”.Got a problem with that? I didn’t think so.
Really, you okay with that?Well, if you promise, I will believe you.
Now, this sandwich is easy, I mean; Really simple.
The chips were an idea of making something a bit more healthier then potato chips, but they soon devolved ( or evolved!) into something wonderful with bread crumbs and Daiya cheese.
Let us begin.
Ingredients
Let’s begin with what goes in the sandwich.
- A cup of cucumber, sliced.I really landed up using about 6 slices.Thin , but not crazy thin.
- Half a cup Sweet red pepper.
- 4 thinly slices of eggplant.
- 4 slices of tomatoes.
- Red Wine vinegar, about a cup.
- Pesto,I would say about 2 tablespoons.
- Bread, duh.
Take the cucumber slices and soak in the red wine vinegar.Heavily coat the eggplant with cooking spray, or olive oil if you insist, and place in oven at 425 degrees, and cook for about 20 minutes.When that is all done you may begin the sandwich construction; this is most important and clearly most fulfilling part of making a sandwich, other then eating it.
Spread the pesto on one side of each slice of bread.Now, place the eggplant down,followed by a layer of cucumbers, then the peppers, and then the tomato slices.I suppose the order does not truly matter, or maybe it does.Sandwich is complete.
Now, for those chips.
Ingredients.
- 2 cups of sliced zucchini
- 1/4th a cup of breadcrumbs.
- 1/4th a cup of Daiya cheese.
- Tbsp Garlic powder.
- Salt and pepper, not so much.
- 1 cup of soy, rice or whatever milk you wish.
Set your oven to 445 degrees.Mix the breadcrumbs, Daiya, garlic powder,salt, and pepper.Dunk your slices of zucchini in the milk and then dunk them in the mix.Place on non stick sprayed pan, and bake for around 30 minutes.Serve at once.
What recipe would be complete with another shitty photo?
Couscous is great.If you do not like it, there maybe something mentally unhinged about you.I am not trying to be offensive, or mean, but you may just want to go see a shrink.Medications and treatments have got a lot better over the years, seriously.
This recipe has two of my favorite things, actually three things.Tomatoes, chickpeas, and that couscous I was just pestering you about.
This is a fairly good recipe, that I kind of made up, when I wanted vegetables, and wanted couscous.This is easy to make, so why not give it a go, yeah?
Ingredients
- Red pepper, seeded and diced.
- Broccoli and/ or Cauliflower,two cups, or so.
- 3 Plum tomatoes, diced.
- 1 Zucchini, diced.
- White onion, diced.
- 1 Carrot, pealed and diced.
- cup and a half of chickpeas, already soaked, rinsed and cooked.
- 2 tbsp of minced garlic.
- 2 tbsp of olive oil.
- 2 tbsp tomato paste.
- 1 tbsp red pepper flakes.
- 2 tbsp cilantro.
- 1 tbsp cayenne pepper.
- 1 tbsp cumin.
- 1 tbsp turmeric.
- 2 and a half cups of couscous.
- salt.
- pepper.
- 2 tbsp butter.
Okay, before your head explodes, looking at all those ingredients, it is a fast and easy recipe.I promise.So, don’t be so fucking lazy, and just make the damned dish already.
Take the olive oil, the onion and garlic, and saute in a pan, till soft.Now, add the paste, turmeric, cayenne,cilantro and red pepper flakes.Stir, and cook for a few minutes.Now, add the broccoli, red pepper and carrots, with vegetable stock or water, just enough to be nearly but not actually covering the vegetables.Bring to a boil and let boil for 12 minutes.
Now you may, add the zucchini,chickpeas, and the tomatoes.
Bring heat down,after another 10 to 12 minutes, and set aside.Lidded, to keep in heat.
To cook the couscous, you will bring 2 cups of water, the butter, and some salt to a boil, add the couscous, stir it, and let is swell up.
place some couscous on a plate, or in a bowl.I added a touch more butter, with salt and pepper to the cooked couscous.Now, top with the vegetables, season with pepper and salt to taste, and there you go.You are welcome.
