I was pondering life’s perplexities, and decided you have to call it at least a semi-decent day if you can have both cookies and crepes.I do not think that is a stretch, by any means.Do you?
Well, I do not, and you can think what you want, I suppose.
A bit of a background? I dunno, I picked perhaps the last of the plum tomatoes from my tomato plants in one of my gardens, today.I doubt I will have many more, as I think it will be hitting frost, even by tonight.
Shit, I am not supposed to date myself in posts, I think I read that on the internet, somewhere. Shit , one of you should have warned me.
Where was I? Oh, yes. So, I had these tomatoes, and needed to use them for something, right? Then, my mind magically came up with crepes, and pesto.How it did that is beyond me, my mind tends to be an enemy of mine. Well, the hamster on the wheel is an enemy, is a better description.So, why it would bless me with such a delightful idea,is maybe, well, beyond me.
And yes, I made cookies, too.These cookies are full of fat, really.So, if you are one those “I hate myself for eating these cookie” types…
Well, you are fucked, just eat a bunch and ride that self-loathing train of pleasure.
I will start with the crepes, k ? K.
Walnut Pesto Ingredients.
- 2 cups of fresh basil leaves.
- Handful or so of spinach.
- 1/2 cup of walnuts.
- 1/4th cup of lemon juice.
- 2 tablespoons of minced garlic.
- Dash or two of salt.
- Dash or two of pepper.
- 3 tablespoons of olive oil.
This part is easy for you.You get to toss it all in your processor and grind it all down, to your pesto.Simple, no?
Now heat up your pan, skillet, griddle pan, whatever, the thing you will cook your crepes on.
Crepes Ingredients
- 3/4th cup of flour.
- 1 tablespoon of egg-replacer
- 3 tablespoons of Earth Balance butter.
- 1 cup of soy milk.
- 1 tablespoon of olive oil.
- 2 tablespoons of apple cider vinegar.
- A couple dashes of salt.
- 2 teaspoons of tarragon.
- 2 teaspoons of parsley.
- Plum tomatoes, sliced thinly.
First, melt the butter! You can do that on the stove, or in a microwave, I really do not care! I am a bit excited, and I have no idea why.Anyways, in a bowl, mix the dry ingredients.Mixed ? Yeah? Okay, then proceed to mix the soy milk with the vinegar.This makes it kind of like buttermilk, for future references.
Now you may add the wet ingredients to your dry ingredients, and mix well.If you think it is a bit thick, add a touch of water, but add at your own peril.
Now, you pour about a fourth a cup for each crepe, making sure it spreads out, and you let them cook one or two minutes on one side, then flip and cook them on the other side. Repeat till you have a plate of crepes.
Now preheat your oven to 350 degrees, and line a baking pan or two with some tin foil.
Time for the filling, slice up some plum tomatoes, and grab that pesto you made.Layer some pesto on each crepe, then place some slices of the plum tomatoes.
Bake in the oven for around seven or so minutes, the edges of the crepes should just start curling up, and the tomatoes softened.
There you have it, walnut pesto and tomato crepes.I had like four of them, as I am a sick person.
Song break:.I have had this song stuck in my head all day,I love it, so now you can all suffer it, too.If I hear anyone mocking for liking the band Stars I will become quite defensive and possibly throw a tantrum, so behave.
Okay, time for the cookies.
Peanut butter cookies
- 1/2 cup of peanut butter.
- 1/4th cup of shortening.
- 1/4th cup of Earth Balance butter.
- 1 and 1/3rd cup of flour.
- 1/2 a cup of sugar.
- 1/2 cup of brown sugar.
- 2 teaspoons of vanilla.
- 1 tablespoon of egg-replacer.
- 2 tablespoons of water.
- 1 teaspoon of baking powder.
- 1 teaspoon of baking soda.
So, first you will wanna whip the butter, shortening, and the peanut butter.Oh, and I suppose preheat your oven to 375 degrees.
You should maybe use a blender for that, as it saves time, but I am not judging you if you do not.Now, add half of the flour and the remaining ingredients, and when they are mixed well, you know what to do? Mix in the rest of the flour. Duh! Mix and kneed the dough for a few moments, you want a good consistency.
So, I assume you have now grabbed your baking pans? No? What the hell are you waiting for?
Grab little balls of the dough, making one inch balls with them, place them on the baking pan, and press down with a fork, making a cookie shape. Repeat this numerous times till you have your pans filled with ready-to-go cookies.
Bake them in the oven for 9-11 minutes, remove form oven, and let them cool on racks.You have made peanut butter cookies.Now, you want that frosting? You do, of course.
if you have your own, feel free, or you can whip this one up fairly easily, I did.
Frosting
- 1/2 cup of chocolate chips.
- 2 tablespoons of shortening.
- 1 tablespoon of Earth Balance.
My god, I sound more and more like the male , vegan version of that scary woman from teevee,her name escapes me presently, the one that cooks everything in lard and shortening, and thinks frying just about anything tastes good.I agree with her, by the way.
Okay, I am rambling, as usual.Over low heat on your stove top, melt down the chocolate chips, stir in the shortening and butter, stir, and when it is melted and mixed well, remove from stove and pour into a bowl.Now, you could dunk the cookies in, or just frost them like a cupcake, or something.I will leave that up to you.
Paula Dean,that is who I was talking about! I knew it would come to me, sadly.
I was thinking that maybe these should have some fancy name, such as a “garden cutlet” That does sound nice, but also vague.So, I do not know.Does it really matter? I doubt it.What really matters? I do not know.Does it matter, I do not know.
Okay, I am not getting all existential, or something.I just was looking to make myself look deep, maybe.I am not very deep, I think.Though, maybe if I am thinking about, does that make me deep? No? Yes? No, probably no.
I had some worries about making spinach cutlets, as I wondered how well they would stick together, but I figured out a way to do that.Sometimes, just sometimes, I do indeed win in the game of life.
Go, me.
Ingredients.
- 4 large handfuls of spinach, wash and remove the stems.
- 1 small carrot.
- 1/2 a yellow onion.
- 1 stalk of celery.
- 1/4 cup of gluten.
- 1/2 cup of breadcrumbs.
- Tablespoon of lemon juice.
- 2 tablespoons of olive oil.
- Teaspoon of thyme.
- 2 teaspoons of basil.
- Tablespoon of poultry seasoning.
- More breadcrumbs.
- Cup of prepared egg replacer.
That looks like a lot of ingredients, doesn’t it? A shitload, in-fact.Well, no it is not that big a deal, and this is rather simple.You will mainly be using a processor, so no worries.
Imagine in the days before modern technology, imagine having to process things by hand.How awful.
Anyways, process the spinach till it is in tiny, tiny, tiny little pieces, then add the celery, onion, and carrot, and do the same.Add the oil, gluten, breadcrumbs,lemon juice, thyme, basil, poultry seasoning, and process to mix.
They will still be a bit mushy, so be careful when you use your hands to mold into cutlet shapes.Dunk them in breadcrumbs, you do not have to fully coat, just a dusting.
Place them on a well sprayed pan, or on well sprayed tin foil on a pan and bake at 425 degrees for 20 minutes, flip, and cook another 20 minutes.
See, this is simple.Have I ever guided you on the wrong path? Well, probably, but let’s not remember those times.Not now, anyways.Once they are baked, remove the cutlets, and let them cool a touch.Mainly so you can handle them.
Once you can, dunk them in the egg replacer, and now dunk in the breadcrumbs, this time really coating them well.You can now either bake them to brown the breadcrumbs, or as I did, fry them in a pan.
The reason I came up with the cooking them two times was this way you can cook them without them falling apart, and also being able to bread them without much fuss or mess.So, the original baking time probably could be less.
I am just retelling what I did here, so that is why I am telling you what I am telling you.It is not that deep.Nor am I.
I served mine with creamed corn, and these little potatoes that I basically peeled, doused in butter, and baked.Not the healthiest side to the spinach cutlets, but I live on the edge.The edge of sanity? The edge of health? Who knows ?
I suppose you could also call this poor man’s lasagna.Perhaps.But, skillet lasagna seems to be the pervading moniker for it.Poor man’s anything seems to be a slight, if anything.
I recall one day, many years ago reading that the Scottish band Trashcan Sinatras were a poor man’s The Smiths.Sounded just a tad mean.They sound perfectly well in their own right, and this skillet lasagna is tasty in its on right, too.
We can listen to some Trashcans as we make this dish, won’t that just be an added pleasure to what will already be a pleasurable night?
I gather you may be getting ab it antsy about starting this , or maybe you are just sick of my ramble and just want the god damned recipe.Fine, I can’t win with you,here is the recipe.Excuse me for trying to make you just a bit more civilized.
Ingredients.
- 10 Lasagna pieces, broken up into shards.
- 3 and a half cups of vegetable stock.
- 4 cups of washed and fresh spinach.
- 1 tomato, chopped, diced, whatever.
- 1 teaspoon of sage.
- 3 teaspoons of thyme.
- 4 teaspoons of basil.
- 1 small can of tomato sauce.
- Half a cup of Cheddar Daiya.
- Half a cup of Mozza Daiya.
- Salt and pepper to taste.
You may have noticed by the the title of this post, this is skillet lasagna.You know what that means? Yes, oh you are a clever one, you will need a skillet.On medium heat, bring the stock to a boil, and once it has, add your pasta.Cook for 4 minutes, then lower the heat to low.Throw in your spinach, thyme, sage, basil, tomatoes, and mix well.Cook on low for a couple minutes, then add the tomato sauce.Again, mix that well.
Alright, mix the two flavors of Daiya, and then lovingly sprinkle the top with the cheese.Let it sit on top for a couple of minutes, then
serve.
I shall end with another Trashcan Sinatras song.Why? Because I can.
Okay, so today, I wanted to make pesto to use for pizza.But, I had one issue.I had no fresh basil leaves, which is kind of needed for pesto.The weather was crap, and so I was not prepared to go out.What did I do? Well, I used my fiendish mind to come up with a bit of a half-assed pesto.It came out rather great, if I do say so myself.I had lots of basil, just not leaved, and I had spinach, so that is where the fun began.If you are not having fun, then why bother cooking, right? Well, I suppose you could be some kind of cooking person who has been enslaved by some evil person to be their cook slave, and in that case, sorry.
Ingredients.
- 3 to 4 large handfuls of spinach.
- 1 package of yeast.
- Half a cup of pine nuts.
- Half a cup of almond slivers.
- 1/4th a cup of basil.It may have been slightly more, I forget, but not much more.
- Tablespoon of cilantro.
- 2 tablespoons of lemon juice.
- Half a cup of olive oil.
- Salt.
- Pepper.
I kept this simple.I just dumped it all into my processor and processed away.Boom, pesto.I am sure there is some Italian chef somewhere, reading this, crying himself or herself to sleep.My deepest condolences if I have raped and mutated your culture.
Some meals take a lot of time, and effort, and create a vast mess in your kitchen.Then sadly, as disappointing as most birthdays are for people, the food fails to live up to all that blood, sweat, and onion induced tears.Perhaps you have worked on that damned bread recipe all afternoon, and it is having as much trouble rising as a 80 year old man.
This ravioli dish is not like one of those dishes.
This recipe will make a mess, it will take time, it will take patience, but it will not disappoint.Nope, it is one excellent dish, if I say so, myself.I just did, so there.
I bought a Ravioli Maker recently, and I highly suggest getting one if you desire to make raviolis often.If you do not have one, I may or may not state how to make them without one.I am lazy.
Pasta Ingredients.
- A cup and half a cup of all purpose flour.
- Half a cup of whole wheat flour.
- Teaspoon of salt.
- Tablespoon of Basil
- Cup of water.
Using a big bowl, as a smaller bowl would be kind of silly, mix the flours and salt.Add the basil, and mix that in as well.This is where is may get tricky.You need to pour in the cup of water, and yet again, mix.It would be tricky, if you had a water phobia, by the way.Anyways, so mix those up, and the kneed a bit, the dough can be a tiny bit sticky, as you will be getting more flour into dough when you are rolling it out, later.Make it into a bowl, wrap in a cloth and let it sit for at least a half hour.
Filling Ingredients.
- Cup of mushrooms, chopped somewhat finely.
- Half an onion, diced finely.
- 2 Tablespoons of minced garlic.
- Roughly 3 cups of spinach, washed, and chopped.
- Tablespoon of cayenne pepper.
- Dash or two of salt.
- Dash or two of pepper.
- Half a cup of Daiya Chedder.
- Half a cup of Daiya Mozzarella.
Heat up the oil over medium heat, in a pan, skillet, whatever.Cook your onions and garlic till they become fragrant.Now, add the mushroom and cook for a further few minutes.Now, add in the spinach.Mixing as you go, you will see the spinach soon begin to wilt.Your work is nearly done.Just toss in the cayenne, salt, and pepper.Stir for another minute or so, and take off the burner.Pour this mix into a bowl, and add the two kinds of Daiya.Mix well, packing the cheeses into the spinach and mushroom .Set aside.
Now, the fun begins.Or, the fun, and the mess begins.Grab that dough you made, and lightly flour a nice and flat surface.Break the dough up into a couple balls.Take one ball, and roll it out.You want it very thin, and you could even use a pasta machine, if you want.I would say it is about 1/8th of an inch thick.If you have a ravioli maker, you should know what to do next.You put the metal piece down, lay a layer of dough down, then using the plastic piece, you mold the dough.That is not very clear, nor understandable.But again, if you have a maker, you will know what I am talking about.
if you do not have a maker, then just follow these directions. Top with the other piece of dough, and roll over the top.Or, if doing by hand, again just follow those directions I linked you to.
You will find you will be adding more and more flour as you roll out the dough, and you need plenty on them so they do not stick once they are being built.As you make them, either by the maker, or by hand, place them on a floured baking sheet.
Let them sit, around an hour.You can read a bit, have a glass of wine, discuss how much you dislike people who were sweatpants out in public, whatever.Or, you could make a sauce for the raviolis.That works, too.That is what I did.I would share the recipe, but you are a big boy, or big girl, you have sauces, and this is already one damned long post.
Anyways, so now it is time to cook them.Bring a big pot of water, with a good amount of salt, to boil.Cook the raviolis in portions.I had made about 40 , today.So, I cooked about 8 to 10 per time.Often, you hear to cook them till they pop up and begin floating on top of the boiling water.I find that to be a bit inaccurate.I cooked mine, floating or not, for 5 minutes.
As you take them out of the pot, use something with slots or holes, so you lose some of the water.Place them on a tray or pan that is covered in parchment paper, making sure they do not touch each other!
Now, as you should make more then one serving, as you have slaved over them so long, and made quite the mess with all the flour, you will need to freeze them.Do not just toss them in a baggy, as you will just have a big carcass of frozen ravioli! Let them dry out a bit after cooking and then freeze them on a small pan or tray that fits into your freezer.I used two toaster oven sized trays.Once they are frozen, take them out, and place one serving in a bag, no more, no less.Continue this till all are in baggies and put away in your freezer.They should last a month or two.
Now, wasn’t that fun? You are welcome.Or something.
I am still sick.Have i mentioned that I am sick? No, yes? Well, I am.I am still sick,actually.I have not felt well, nope.No, I have not felt very much like myself.Yes, I am sick.Did I mention I have been sick?
Okay, I will stop the complaining.For now, anyways.So, I made some chickpea cutlets, no bother posting the recipe here, as it is neither original or my own in any major way.Normally, I love chickpea cutlets in a sandwich, or even with some pasta.This time, I made up a new side for them.It worked our marginally well, it was good.So, shall I begin? Yes, I am sick, but I think I can muster it.Okay, let’s begin.
Ingredients.
- Mushrooms, chopped, diced; take your pick, a little over a cup.
- Half a white onion, chopped and diced.
- 2 Tbsp of minced garlic.
- 2 Tbsp Thyme.
- Salt and pepper, to taste.
- A half a cup of vegetable stock.
- 3 cups of spinach, washed and chopped.
- Tbsp Olive oil.
You could probably use something other then thyme, and I am not even sure that is best thing for it, but I love thyme.Really.So, heat up the oil, in your pan.Yes, on the stove.Saute the onion and garlic, till it gets to that yummy look, you can smell the flavors, but its not burnt.
So, what do you think the Red Sox’s chances are this year?Did I mention I am sick? Okay , sorry, got distracted.
Add the mushrooms, and cook for about five to seven minutes.Pour in the broth, ass the thyme, salt and pepper, and cook till the broth reduces.Toss in the spinach, happily.Or just put them in, that is fine, too.Just cook till the spinach leaves begin to wilt, we do not want soggy spinach.
Serve, and eat.Simple, and nice.Kind of like me, but not at all.Oh, and here is my trademark shitty photograph.Happy tails.Did I mention I was still sick?
I think , in this entry, I will be nice to those who want the recipe, then add my always enjoyable rant, after the recipe.
Chicken Seitan
Ingredients.
- 2 cups Vital Wheat Gluten.
- 1 and a half cups of water.
- 2 Tbsp Poultry Seasoning.
- 1 Tbsp Paprika.
- 1 Tbsp Rosemary.
- Flour, for dipping cutlets in.
Broth Ingredients.
- 4 cups of water.
- 2 Tbsp Poultry Seasoning.
- 1 Tbsp Bragg Liquid Aminos
- Tbsp Rosemary.
Let’s start the fun! Mix the gluten and the water, and the seasonings.Kneed it a few minutes.Easy , right ? You betcha! Now, you should have put the broth and its seasonings together in a good sized skillet.Bring that broth up to a slight simmer, put your gluten steaks in.Oh, yes, I should have added that part.Shape your gluten into steak shapes, I think I got five out of my batch.
Let them cook for about forty minutes.I am always tempted to add “or so”.That is not very useful, is it?
Well, while that is cooking, here is the next step.
More Ingredients.
- About two cups of Portibello mushrooms.
- 2 Tbsp Minced garlic.
- Slice two or three quarter inch slices of an onion, and half moon slice them.
- Oil, or non stick spray for sauteing.
Saute the onions and garlic a few minutes, then add the mushrooms.Do not overcook, but you wanna see them beginning to slightly brown.Put aside.
Bread your seitan, and fry till they are golden brown, should be under ten minutes.Now , add your sauteed mushrooms and onions to the seitan, and add a cup of vegetable broth ( you could also use cooking wine ) and let it reduce.
I served mine over mashed potatoes, and spinach.I am thinking Broccoli could be very nice, too.
Seitan Scallopini
So, now that the fun part is over with, let’s get messy.Oh, what a delight it is to be a liberal! I have so many leaders to be proud of.The right may be full of batshit crazy lunatics, but at least they get things done, they make things happen.
Could someone tell me when good ole’ Steny Hoyer will retire? He should be more embarrassed over his party being too scared to run on a winning tax idea, then over Stephen Colbert speaking on the hill, the other day.
Sometimes, they make it hard for me to want to vote.I will, and I will vote for what is reportedly my concerns, but the Democrats sure love making it hard.
Why not run to try and win, instead of running so scared you automatically lose? I guess, within a few weeks, I will get over the fact that they were too scared to end Bush’s tax cuts for the rich.Maybe.
I have this seitan scallopini , at least.
Damn it.
Oh, also, the American Taliban were at it again.
But, at least one Democrat does not lay around, one fights back.His name is Alan Greyson, and he one bad ass mother f***er.
I love his new ad.
I want more scallopini, and I want more Alan Greysons.
I just do not hope I wake up hours from now, seething in maddening, painful, tear jerking heartburn.Running through the darkened house in a chaotic search for heart burn medication.And no, I will not blame the food.