You know those chewy, yummy, almost gooey oatmeal raisin cookies you find in a plastic bucket or tub at your local grocery store? I miss those.I miss those even years after last having them.I have, for years, been like a failed medieval alchemist seeking out how to make gold, looking for the right recipe to veganize those damned cookies.
I have come close, I have not come close, and there has been many days I have broken down on the kitchen floor, crying out to Thor up above, pleading with him to give me the strength and wisdom to replicate those cursed cookies.
But, wait! I have done it! I have finally done it, and I will yell; this on the top of the tallest mountain that it within driving distance.No, I actually will not do that, as last time I did that I was locked up in a straight jacket.That never happened, either.Anyways, I made the cookies, these are the directions for those cookies, for the cookies.Did I mention they are cookies?
Cookie Ingredients.
- 2 cup of oats, rolled.
- 1/2 cup of Earth Balance.
- 1/2 cup of vegetable shortening.
- About a cup of all purpose flour.
- 1/2 cup of brown sugar.
- 1/2 cup of sugar.
- 1 teaspoon of baking soda.
- 2 teaspoons of vanilla extract.
- 2 tablespoons of Egg replacer.
- 4 tablespoons of water.
- 1 teaspoon of cinnamon.
- 1 teaspoon of nutmeg.
- 1 to 1 and 1/2 cups of raisins.
You will wish to fire up the ye olde oven, to 375 degrees, and grease a couple baking pans, first.Then, you will wish to dust off your processor, if it is dusty.It shouldn’t be, but I have no idea if you are a slob, or not.
IN the now clean device, ground down the oats till they are like a flour.You do not have to make them like the dust you find on old people, but fairly ground down.
Meanwhile, in a bowl, mash,mix, blend, stir, whatever, the Earth Balance and shortening, then stir in half of the all purpose flour into this mix.Toss in your sugars, baking soda,vanilla, cinnamon,nutmeg, egg-replacer, water,and stir this all well.
Now!Yes, now! Toss in the grounded oats and remaining flour, mix that in, then fold in the raisins.You can then use a smallish spoon, nothing some giant would use, and plop the batter onto the greased baking pans, about two inches apart from each other and bake in the oven for 10 minutes.Remove from oven, place cookies on a wire rack and let them cool.
You may then pig out on the cookies, like I did.If you plan on making these for someone else, perhaps a boyfriend or girlfriend, or perhaps some family party, it would be wise to double the batch, as you will probably eat half before they arrive.
You are welcome.
I want you to close your eyes and join me on a magical ride to imagination land, okay? If you are scared, well too bad.Alright, fine.I can hold your hand if need be.So, here we are.A fluffy, wonderful, exciting land of vegan foods; Fruits, veggies, cakes, pies,cookies, and so on.This land, there are no animals, just the crap I just mentioned.
Now, imagine if there was a lonely apple pie who really wanted a date, something to share time with, just like many of us loser humans! They had gone on a few dates with a cake, thanks to pressure from their pie mother, but it had not worked out.Frankly pie and cake relationships do not last very long.
But then, one day, out of the blue, the apple pie met a cookie, and they fell in love, and decided to to spend their lives together.
How fucking romantic, huh? Or perhaps: How fucking insane an idea that just was and what the hell am I talking about?
Well, fine, this is is what I am talking about:Their love child, a mix of apple pie and cookie.There, now you know, and all the magic of that special bond is now gone, and I really do not know how I can go on now, but I will do my best.
I do not really know what is the best name for this, but it sure was tasty, and that is perhaps more important than some eye catching name.Of course, that is also probably why 2 people read this blog, if that.
Okay, that is a lie, I have a pretty good amount of readers, even if most of them never comment, or whatever.Anyways, that really has nothing to do with anything, so I will just get to the recipe.
Ingredients
- 1 cup of flour.
- 7 tablespoons of earth balance.
- 1/4th cup of sugar.
- 4 apples, peeled, cored, chopped.Somewhat small, please.
- 3/4 cup of brown sugar.
- 3 tablespoons of lemon juice.
- 1 tablespoon of cinnamon.
- 1 teaspoon of nutmeg.
- 1/2- 3/4th cup of chopped walnuts.
- 1/4 cup of flour.
- 7 tablespoons of Earth Balance.
- 1/4 cup of sugar.
- 1 cup of flour.
First, if you are observant, and perhaps you will note that the first three ingredients are the same as the last three.That is not a typo, that is for both layers of the cookie part of this , but make them separately.
PLease, please, please, pre-heat your oven to 375 degrees.Now, grab a bowl, mix 1/4th cup of sugar with the 7 tablespoons of Earth Balance.Really whip it good, like the Devo song.Stir in the flour, till it becomes quite crumbly.
grab an 8 inch by 8 inch pan, and fill it with the mixture, making it evenly spread, and pat it down.Baking in the oven for about 12 minutes, till you just start to see the edges browning, but only slightly.
Meanwhile, in those 12 minutes, combine the apples, nutmeg, cinnamon, lemon juice, brown sugar, 1/4th cup of sugar, and mix that well.layer that on top of the cooked cookie crust that you have now baked for 12 minutes.
Now, I baked this for 10 minutes, then added the second layer of cookie crust and cooked a further ten minutes, and I do not know if that makes much of a difference.So, you could cook it either way, I think.
That sounds confusing.
Damn.
Alright, so bake the cookie crust for 12 minutes, add the layer of the pie filling, and bake another ten minutes.Then, add the top layer of cookie crust and bake another 10 or so minutes.That clears up the confusion, I think.
Anyways, there you have it.
My kitchen has been in a whirling dervish for the past few days, as I seemed to be trying to one-up myself with each meal.If this was a cartoon, you would see just a cloud of smoke ,pots, pans, spoons emerging and vanishing back into the cloud, as I whipped up cookies, sorbet, and a few meals.
These kind of days can be immensely fun, and fulfilling, literally, and figuratively, I suppose.The only problem is I do not have a washing and cleaning staff, my dishwasher is on the fritz, and so that means I have to do all the clean-up.
The Horror! Me doing manual labor? These hands were made for molding beauty, not scrubbing grease off plates!I have elitist hands, finely cared for, finely manicured, loved all these years with special care; The care including not too much manual labor, for who wants some ugly callus?
I know, I know, I should probably not even be typing this, I should be resting my precious digits after all that cleaning, scrubbing , and general torment I put my poor hands through.
But, there is a reason, and that reason is pure, and good, my friends.Well, readers, I should not be so bold as to call you friends, you could have distaste for me, who knows? But, perhaps, these two sweet things that I offer you , today, could possible sweeten your outlook on me?
That was a weak grab for being liked, wasn’t it? Fine, forget it.Just read on, forget I said that, and have a go at these cookies.
They are my best attempt at a chocolate chip cookie,ever, and they are by far the unhealthiest.That is probably why they taste so good.Nothing good ever has that same feeling as some sugar and fat coursing through your veins, and eventually clogging those veins, apparently.
I am a horrible salesman, I should just shut up.
But, I will, and again, I am going to use a horrible pun, I will sweeten the deal with not only a damned good chocolate chip cookie recipe, but I am gonna throw in an amazing strawberry sorbet, as well.
See, I love you still, despite our awkwardness.
Chocolate Chip Cookies Ingredients.
- 1/2 cup of Earth Balance.
- 1/2 cup of shortening.
- 1/2 cup of brown sugar.
- 1/2 cup of sugar.
- 1 teaspoon of baking soda.
- 1 tablespoon of egg replacer.
- 2 tablespoons of vanilla extract.
- 2 tablespoons of soy milk.
- 2 and a half cups of all purpose flour.
Preheat your oven to 350 degrees, as clearly I am not one of those raw people, and you need an oven to bake the cookies.
Alright, now blend the shortening and Earth Balance.Again, Earth Balance does not pay me to use their product, I just use it a lot, as I am a pig.But, they could pay me, if they are reading this, I am capable of selling out.
Once they are blended, add the sugars, and mix that well.Toss in the vanilla extract,baking soda, egg replacer, and the milk.Mix that well.
Now, you may add the flour, I added a bit a time, making mixing and blending easier, again, I do not own a blender.So, yeah I use a spoon, more work for my poor hands.
You probably should spray or grease some baking pans.
These cookies, well, they deserve love, so do not just plop some dough on the pans.I molded mine, with love, and the deepest care, with my hands, formed cooking shapes, and then placed them on the pans.
They will grow a bit like most cookies, but not enough , I do not think, if you just plop them on the pan with a spoon, so don’t!
Bake for 15 minutes, just till you start to see a little browning, or darkening around the edges, and then let them cook on baking racks.
Now it is time for that promised sorbet.See, I keep my word, sometimes.
Strawberry Sorbet Ingredients.
- 1 cup of water.
- 1 cup of sugar.
- 2 cups of frozen strawberries, no stems, or green stuff!
- 1/2 cup of soy milk.
Put the water in a pot, with the sugar, and bring to a boil.The sugar should begin to dissolve into the water.Now, pour in your strawberries and milk.Lower your heat to a gentle simmer, and let it simmer for ten minutes, or so.
Dig out your processor, or pull it out, whatever.Process everything till it is a thick liquid, like a smoothie! Pour into a freezer safe bowl, and let it freeze.
Once it has frozen, you will want to process it once again, and then allow it to free once more.There, you just made a strawberry sorbet, aren’t you a peach?
Now, back to my hands; I suppose even cooking puts a toll on them, I have more scars, burn marks, then a 16 year old goth cutter, but, somehow I do not mind the cooking with them, just the washing and cleaning.Why am I telling you this?
No idea.
Who?Who would hate cookies? I hope you are not saying yes, this would make reading the rest of this post just about completely pointless.I am not here to waste your time, nor is it my wish in life to waste your time.I am serious.
I am also serious about cookies, deadly serious.Cue the threatening and dramatic music.Would life be better if we all had a personal soundtrack? Maybe.Would the world be better if we always had cookies? Yes, yes it would be.
I went nuts over the weekend and made three cookies, I am going write about two of them, though in the photo I post may in-fact have three.That is not me admitting that the third cookie was below par, no way.I am just lazy, and will post that one, another time.
So, for tonight, I give you Butter cookies, and peanut butter fudge swirl cookies.
You will be thanking me, so, you are welcome.
Butter Cookies
Ingredients.
- 1 cup of flour.
- 1/2 cup of Earth Balance.
- 1/4th cup of sugar.
- 2 teaspoons of lemon juice.
- 3 teaspoons of vanilla.
- 1/4th cup of chocolate chips.
- 1 tablespoon of shortening.
You are going to want to begin by whipping the butter, with a spoon, perhaps a blender, just to soften it up.Once you have done this, toss in the vanilla, lemon juice, sugar and stir well.Stir like you have never stirred before! I am going to calm down, now.
Now, mix in the flour, in halves.Sir, beat, whatever, just do it well.
Wrap the dough in something, and place in the fridge and let it chill a couple hours.
You could take this time to clean, bath, read a book, watch a movie, use whichever social network you use, I do not know.Just do something.Perhaps, work out, to make room for the fat and calories this cookies will soon be bringing to you.
Okay, that is not the best thing to say.Scratch that.
Alright, has it been two hours? Lightly flour a flat surface, and take half your dough and roll it out flat.Take a cookie cutter and cut out your cookies.No cutter? Get creative and find some small circular shape to use.
Repeat with your second half of dough, then place them on a non greased , non sprayed baking pan.
Bake them at 375 degrees for 7 minutes.While they are baking, heat up and melt the chocolate chips and shortening.
When the cookies are done baking, and cooled enough on a rack for you to grab, dip them in the chocolate.I dipped only half way.That is a nice touch, and I think it would be wise to replicate that.I do, I really do.
Peanut butter Fudge Swirl
Ingredients
- 1/2 cup of peanut butter.
- 1/2 cup of Earth Balance.
- 2 tablespoons of vegetable shortening.
- 1 cup of sugar.
- 1 egg’s worth of Egg Replacer.
- 1/3rd cup of soy or rice milk.
- 1 tablespoon of vanilla.
- 1 teaspoon of baking soda.
- 1/2 cup of chocolate chips.
- 1 teaspoon of salt.
These are amazingly yummy, not that the other cookies are not, but I have a deep and profound love of peanut butter.
Beat or blend the butter, peanut butter, and shortening and follow that by adding about half the flour.Now add everything else remaining other then the chocolate.Got that? Everything other then the chocolate.Mix, stir, blend well.That includes the last of the flour.
Break the dough into two halves.Melt your chocolate, and mix that in with one of the dough halves.Okay, now it gets a bit tricky.
Well, not that tricky, but it is work.
Take two pieces of wax paper, placing one half of the dough in between them, and roll it out the dough.You are looking for it to be about the shape of a rectangle.No worries, if it not, you can cut some off.Do this with both halves.
Now, make sure they are of similar size.The next step is a bit precise, so be careful.Line up both rolled out rectangles of dough on top of each other, and roll from one side, till it is rolled up much like a fruit roll up or, well, I do not know, just roll it up.
Once this has been done, wrap it and let it sit in the fridge for a couple hours.
Once again, find something to do.Pick up that book you were reading, or something.I do not know.
Now that it has chilled in the fridge, remove and now you have to slice the cookies.I went with about 1/4th or so of an inch, using a sharp knife.Place them on, once again, a non greased baking pan, and cook at 375 degrees for 12 minutes.
There is some time, and work involved in these cookies, but I assure you, they are worth it.Really, I mean it.Seriously.
