Have you ever noticed how Veg News, PETA, and others just love to whip out the celebrity vegans? So and so, oh they are now a vegan, isn’t it wonderful? Isn’t life just so enchantingly glorious because some b-list movie star has become a vegan.Oh, that cute actress from that show you watch is now a vegan! You were worried about your choice to lead a life that lead to no harm to human and non-human animals, but always had doubted it.But, not now!
Olivia Wild is a vegan, and thus confirming to you that you had made the right choice! Okay, that is hopefully not even remotely accurate, but maybe I am making a point.
But! Oh, noes! They ( any random celebrity vegan) quit being a vegan, when it became a hassle, or they could not find their favorite candy easy enough for them to continue being a vegan. Oh, the horror.
Now, I get it.Celebrities sell, or something.You have to make some profits and get some headlines using celebrities.I get it, really.But, generally like celebrity marriages, celebrity vegans tend to not last, do they? They last about as long as an 80 year old males boner without viagra.
So, I had an idea. A bit of a challenge to all of the big Vegan news carriers, PETA, Veg News, whomever. I know you will never give up on all the celebrities becoming vegans.But, maybe, just maybe, find some some non celebrities to showcase.
What do I mean?
Well, I see and read on twitter all the time, about new people becoming vegan, and working hard to stick to it.I see average people who had never once thought about how food got onto their plate discovering the horrors of slaughterhouses, and the cruelty of the meat, egg, and dairy industries.Share some stories of your average, regular person taking that journey.
You know, your average citizen, your average mom, dad, child, student, whatever.People who could care less about their public image or persona, who do not follow and fall for every fad that comes out of Hollywood or New York.For every celebrity that PETA reports has gone vegan, there is numerous people who do so, for the right reasons, on their own.They are more heroic to me than some actor or actress that is just following the latest craze.
So, I challenge PETA, Veg News,whoever, to perhaps come up with stories about your average person, finding veganism, and their effort to live a cruelty-free existence.
Will they, probably not.But, I tire of the tabloid-like celebrity vegan adoration many of these groups have.They serve no purpose, other than to sell magazines and products.They never remain vegans, and in the end just give Veganism a bad look.Meanwhile , plenty of people, average, 9 to 5 people choose a vegan existence and stick to it.
Give me 10 people I have never heard of, will never meet, that become vegan, on their own, and stayed vegan rather than one actress who went vegan for 6 months who will announce in 8 months they are no longer vegan.
Which do you think makes for a better example for one to follow?
You know what commercials really bug the living shit out of me? The ones for the Olive Garden restaurant.They drive me absolutely nuts.You know why? I am pretty sure anyone of an Italian background, fresh off the boat or not, would look at their food and think it a holocaust of Italian food.You may as well just buy a can of Chef Boyardee, and at least the original Chef Boyardee was in-fact an Italian immigrant.So, in that theory, it is actually more authentic.
Now, I say all this as someone who probably does not make proper Italian food, never has been to Italy, and used to enjoy Chef Boyardee as a child.But, still.That place, and their god-awful commercials make me want to choke myself to death with a bread stick.It would not be pretty.
But, those commercials, are the worst.Just how they are all so, so excited and happy, eating the food up like it is pure gold that has been melted down and cooked in a broth made from Jesus’s own sweat.Them savoring it as they laugh and joke about how wonderful their life is because they are spending time at the fucking Olive Garden.I hate them , and I hate the commercials.
Meanwhile, I made some lentil balls, and feeling unoriginal, made a tomato sauce and some spaghetti and had lentil balls with spaghetti.Yeah, that is about as original as all the hipster girls that seem to think that Joy Division’s ” She’s Lost Control” is about them.Well, regardless, it was tasty, and they could be used in pockets, with pasta, or even made into Swedish meatballs.The world is your oyster, or some other cliched bullshit.
I am going to close my eyes and pretend you know how to cook lentils and have reached the point where they are cooked.This is a magical place, and I hope you are able to cross into this magical fairy land of knowing how to cook lentils.
Ingredients.
- 1 and 1/2 cups of cooked lentils.
- 1 tablespoon of flour.
- 1/2 a cup of diced onions.
- 2 large tablespoons of minced garlic.
- 1 tablespoon of basil.
- 1 teaspoon of thyme.
- 3 teaspoons of oregano.
- 1 tablespoon of worcestershire sauce.
- 2 tablespoons of steak sauce.
- 1 tablespoon of olive oil.
- 1 tablespoon of parsley.
- A pinch of salt.
- A few dashes of pepper.
- Breadcrumbs, start off with half a cup and add more if needed.
Preheat your oven to 350 degrees and oil up a baking pan.You could also use non-stick spray, or whatever.I used olive oil, so maybe you should just stick to what I suggest.Or, do not.Suit yourself.
In your processor, add the lentils, flour,parsley, oregano,basil, minced garlic, steak sauce, worcestershire sauce,and so on. Basically everything minus the diced onions and breadcrumbs.
Process that till it is all a puree and mixed well.Now place this all in a bowl and mix in the diced onions and breadcrumbs till it is more firm and can be molded into solid balls.I made mine about the size of walnuts, but you can pick a size of your choosing.I think rolled the formed balls in a bowl of about a tablespoon of olive oil , so that they are covered, placed them on the baking pan, and repeated this till I had a ton of lentil balls.
I baked them in the oven for 15 minutes, rolled them around and cooked another 15 minutes.They should be cooked but not solid golf balls.Who wants to eat golf balls made out of lentils?
I will not bother getting into a sauce, but if you are making a sauce, as you should be, when the lentil balls are cooked in the oven, place them in the sauce and let them simmer in there for a good ten to twenty minutes.
Serve with pasta, in a sub roll, pocket, whatever.
I woke up today, and thought of two things.Now, it is not particularly special or unique that anyone, let alone me, would wake up, or think things.Two, or more, or even less things.I guess that is not the point.What is the point? Oh, yes.The two thoughts; One being that I wanted to listen to some loud music, and two, I wanted to make a deep dish pizza.
I cannot explain the desire for the loud music, but I think it is self-explanatory when it comes to wanting pizza.Yes? Yeah? Okay? Okay.
Now, when I say loud, some may just scoff or mock me, as in the scheme of things, what I consider loud, some would consider it just cool jazz or soft rock.I do not even know what cool jazz is, does anyone? Well, the music I had pop into my head, that I had to listen to, is loud for me.As you may, or may not know, I am a bit of one of those nerdy, fay, indie twerps. You know, some lovely poppy lyrics with some jingle jangle guitar.
I blasted some Dinsosaur jr, some Husker Du, and some Sugar.Sugar had an e.p. entitled “Beaster”, and I did in-fact listen to it.It seemed especially appropriate for the beast of a deep dish pizza I whipped up in my mad scientist’s laboratory, otherwise known as my kitchen.More about the pizza after a couple tunes.
You have to enjoy a band who has a bassist with such a mustache.
I was able to manage only to eat about two slices of this pizza, and I would challenge anyone to make it, or something similar, and try and eat more than two.I would consider it impossible, much like many things in life, or so I hear.
I do not even know what that last statement means, it sounds deep.Oh, I am so clever.But, not really.Anyways, the pizza was amazingly, orgasmically, completely wonderful and awesome.Really.I felt all awash in joy and pleasure, then completely full and bloated, and needed to lay down.Thus making it the perfect pizza.Or something.Carbs-A-go-go.
I was hesitant about even posting this, as I am lazy.But, I was asked by a few, so I shall.It included Fat Free Vegan’s seitan pepperoni.
here it is.
So, you will need to make that, and my own personal Chickpea sausages.
That should keep you busy, for a while.But, you will also need to make a tomato sauce, and the pizza crust.I warned you, this will be a lot of effort.I may not have actually warned you, but I am now.So, there! Or, you could just be your lazy,typical self and buy processed fake meats.But, where is the fun in that?
There is none!
Pizza Crust Ingredients.
- 4 cups of flour.The all-purpose kind.
- 2 packets of yeast.
- 1/4th a cup of cornmeal.
- 2 cups of warm water.
- 2 tablespoons of olive oil.
Firstly, grab a bowl (seems like I am always saying this! ) and put your yeast in it, and the warm water, and let it sit for a few minutes.Then, add the oil, cornmeal, and have the all purpose flour.Mix that for nearly ten minutes.I do not know if the time is that essential, but that is what I did.So, just do that.
Now, add the remaining flour, mix, and kneed for five minutes or so.Then cover it in a bowl and let it rise.
You have made your crust.Go, you.
Do you want the tomato sauce recipe, too? I feared you would say yes.Fine.No, really.FINE.
Pizza Sauce Recipe.
- Half an onion, chopped and diced rather small.
- 2 tablespoons of minced garlic.
- 2 tablespoons of olive oil.
- Two cans or diced tomatoes.I was a bit lazy, sue me.The regular sized cans, by the way.
- 8 ounces of tomato sauce.
- 2 teaspoons of oregano.
- 3 teaspoons of basil.
- A few dashes of pepper.
- 3 tablespoons of corn starch
- A pinch of sugar.
- 2 tablespoons of water.
Heat up the oil in a pan, over medium heat.Now, add the onions, and saute for 5 minutes, add the garlic and saute for another few minutes.Now you may toss in the diced tomatoes and the tomato sauce, the basil, the oregano, sugar, salt, and pepper.Let that simmer and cook for twenty minutes.Mix the water and starch and add that to the sauce.It should thicken the sauce within a bit of time.You have now made the sauce.Huzzah.
Now, to construct the pizza.
Find a large skillet that can go into the oven.Oil it, and preheat your oven to 325 degrees.Now, place the crust dough in the skillet,pressing it down along the sides, and flattening the bottom crust. Basically like you would if you were making a pie.Duh!
Place a layer of the pizza sauce along the base of the crust, but save some sauce!Then a layer of the chickpea sausages and seitan pepperoni.
Slice up some mushrooms, red onions, and a green pepper.You can slice them up any way you desire.Layer them, next.Now, you will need a huge glob of Daiya Mozza cheese.I nearly used an entire package, if not all of it.You can put in as much as you want, but you guessed right.That is the next layer.
I then topped that off with more of the tomato sauce, and followed that with some sprinkling of this vegan parm topping I have.
The pizza was sent dutifully placed in the oven and cooked for 50 minutes.The waiting killed me, it nearly did.
I then pulled it out of the oven, lovingly, and let it cool for 5 or so minutes, I should have waited 10, but I was impatient, as you already know.Sliced it up, getting 8 sliced, and sat down and enjoyed this heavenly pizza.
You should, too.Unless you are dead inside, in which case you should probably see a medical professional.I mean, I am marginally dead inside and I still loved this.Seriously.
Okay, I am overdoing it.Just enjoy your fucking pizza.