Satan sucks, but seitan is okay.I do not like that, not a very good start to this post, but I was having trouble starting it.So, I guess now I can just start it by complaining about how I started it.That works for me!
I guess, I do not know, whatever.Anyways, I like seitan, and like playing with it, exploring how far I can go with it, and all that jazz.Some people do not, and that is their life.I would claim I do not judge, but we all judge, but I am pretty sure your opinion on seitan is not really high up on my list of things to judge.
Lately , I Have been judging men who have chin-strap beards.I do not understand them, nor do I enjoy them.Do they hold your hair in place? What is the appeal? What does this have to do with this seitan-bacon recipe? Absolutely nothing.
So, there you have it, my splendid introduction for seitan-bacon.I think I may call it Seitcon.I would be wise, or nice, or kind, or polite, whatever, to mention it was inspired by this recipe. So, thank you blogger person for inspiring me.
Ingredients.
- 3/4th cup of gluten.
- 1 teaspoon of garlic powder.
- 1 teaspoon of onion powder.
- 1/4th cup of imitation bacon bits.
- 2 tablespoons of water.
- 1 tablespoon of ketchup.
- 2 tablespoons of smoked paprika.
- 2 teaspoons of salt.
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- 1/2 cup of gluten.
- 1 teaspoons of yeast.
- 1 teaspoon of garlic powder.
- 1 teaspoon of garlic powder.
- 1 teaspoon of salt.
- 2 tablespoons of oil, your choice.
- 1 teaspoon of liquid smoke.
You will be steaming this, so it may be best to get that going as making this will not really take you all that long.I mean, if you are in no hurry, then sure wait till it is constructed before you steam it.
Alright, you may have noted that there is a line splitting up the ingredients? Oh, you! Nothing slips by you.Well, in two bowls mix up the wet ingredients , and in another two bowls mix up the dry ingredients.But, and please read before you run off, the water and bacon bits should be mixed, in yet another small bowl.
I probably should have said that first, to avoid confusion.I did not, so be it.
Now, take your soaked bits, ketchup and mix that together.Place all your dry ingredients from the first section into a processor, add in the ketchup and bacon bits mix, and process it.It should be somewhat slick, or wet.Mold into a ball, and put to the side.
Taking the dry and wet ingredients from section two and mix them well, in the processor, or blender, or a spoon,It does not matter.Mold that into a ball.
Find a flat surface, I generally find my table is flat, as most tables are in-fact flat.Lay out a piece of parchment paper.Split each ball of gluten into several pieces, at least two.Place one red or section one part on the parchment or wax paper, cover with another piece of paper, and roll it out so it is flat.I wold say maybe a bit less than half an inch, maybe less than that.
When it is rolled out, place the flattened piece of reg gluten on some tinfoil, and then repeat the process with a piece of the white or section two gluten, and lay that on top of the flattened out red gluten.
You get the idea? Roll out, layer it, red, white, red, and on and on.I think it is pretty simple, even if I am rambling like the mad scientist.So, you have the layers down, you will want to put some weight on them, so that the layers stick together.So, wrap it in the tin foil they were layered on, and place a heavy book on it.I would suggest ‘War and Peace” or perhaps ‘Moby Dick’.I hope you are cultured enough to have one of those books.
Let the book sit in the gluten for five to ten minutes, and now it is time to place it in your steamer.I cooked mine for about 40 minutes, or so.It should come out solid, but still be a bit “raw”.
Slice it up ,and fry it till it is crispy, or not.I made a delightful BLT, or should I say SLT?
I guess I should call it that, to be accurate, and honest.It is only right, after all.Someone tell me what I am talking about, because I am not so sure.
Long ago, in the days before grunge, before reality teevee, in the days of keyboard ties, Reagan as president, there was a boy.This boy was perhaps the quintessential book-reading, friendless nerd.He was chummy with book characters, and would often dress up as them, pretend he was them, and spend hours in his yard playing out their timeless acts.
I use timeless in a non-praising manner, as they often were villains or perhaps just obsessed lunatics.I mean, can you call Dr. Frankenstein a good guy? That is debatable.
He enjoyed the pirates and harder characters that a Robert Louis Stevenson brought to life. So much so that to this day one of the boy’s prized possessions is a first edition of ‘Treasure Island’. This boy, this friendless, imagination filled dweeb, also dabbled in the works of Melville.
So much so that he even got his parents, who knew what they thought of their odd and strange child, to take him to many locations the average child would dismiss in a moment’s notice.Whaling museums abound the southern New English coast, and they brought the boy back to the periods of time he was reading about in these books.
Anyways, this boy, perhaps not fully grasping the complete vision and concepts of Melville’s finest effort: Moby Dick, would dress up as the obsessed, broken, lunatic Ahab, even going as far as making a peg-leg out of wood and hobbling around his back yard as the disfigured mariner.
It was not really til later that the boy not only learned the book was not just an adventure tale, but a story about humanity and obsession.He probably also had no clue that it is not sea-food, but sea-life, that too came later.
Well, if you do not know, and if you are not seeing the point, I can be much more pedestrian; That boy was me, and that boy made a mock clam strip roll.
So, avast ye, here be the recipe.
Ingredients.
- 1/2 cup of gluten.
- 2 tablespoons of seaweed powder.Just make sure it is vegan and has no other stuff put in it.
- 2 teaspoons of kosher salt.
- 1/2 a cup of water, minus one tablespoon.
- 3 cups of vegetable stock.
- 1 large handful of dried seaweed.I used Nori.
- 1 tablespoon of dill.
- 1/2 cup of all-purpose flour.
- 1/2 cup of corn meal.
- 3 tablespoons of corn starch.
- 1 teaspoon of salt.
- 1/2 teaspoon of cayenne pepper.
- 1 teaspoon of curry powder.
- 1/2 cup of soy milk.
- 1 tablespoon of vinegar.
- 2 tablespoons of Egg- Replacer.
You should set up your broth, first.Find a large-ish sauce pan, place the vegetable stock, seaweed, dill, and heat that in between low and medium heat.
Arg, now find ye yar bowls, and mix the gluten, seaweed powder, kosher salt, then mix in the water.Once you have made your seitan dough, and it is a ball, tear pieces off of it.
Take those pieces, stretch them, roll them between your fingers, you just want to kind of duplicate the shape of a strip.
Oh, and sorry about talking like a pirate there for a moment, I soon realized an entire recipe told in pirate lingo would be painful, even by my recipe rambling standards.I think.
Place the teared seitan pieces into your gently simmering broth and let them cook for 45 minutes.They will be a bit stringy, or chewy, which with this recipe , is perfect!
For added flavor, I suggest that once you are done cooking, that you let them soak in the broth, in the fridge , overnight.But, if you are a rebel, or impatient, you can just succumb to urges and move on with the rest of the recipe.That could be a bit obsessive, and you would be making Ahab proud, or something.
Good for you, I think.
Okay, grab two bowls; In one bowl mix the vinegar and soy milk, let it sit for a few minutes, then add in the Egg-Replacer.In the other bow you will wish to mix the flour, starch, cayenne , salt, curry powder, and corn meal.
Now, you can either fry or bake these.I went for the true effect of the greasy, Cape Cod clam shack and used frying.But, you could bake them.I may bake them next time, either way, I assume you know what you are doing.
Okay, so dip the strips in the milk mix, then coat them in the flour mix, then dip back in the milk, and then dip again in the flour.Then, can you guess what you do next?
Oh, you! Yes, you cook them, either in your oven, or fry them up.I used an old pot, heated up oil and dropped the suckers in, they only needed a few minutes, if that.
I whipped up a simple tartar sauce, made some fries, and toasted a couple hot dog buns. Bam! You got yourself a meal.I wish I had not said “bam”.Ugh.
Have you ever wondered why it is is called tartar sauce, yet you do not use cream of tartar in it? I do not know, that thought crept into my thinking as I made it.Also, do I have to tell you that recipe, too? Fine.
Tartar sauce ingredients.
- 1/2 cup of vegan mayo
- Salt
- Pepper
- 1/4 cup of diced pickles.
- 1 teaspoon of dill.
Mix all that crap together, there you have a simple tartar sauce.You are welcome.
This makes me think of Cape Cod, and summers on the cape.Which is alright, I suppose.I am no Walcott, I like the Cape.
They say waiting and working hard for something is truly rewarding.That tends to be fucking bullshit, and we know it.Sure, it is exciting and it makes you oh so happy but that is just because you have been driving yourself nuts waiting and working.
Oh, yay! How thrilling and rewarding!
I sound bitter, and I shouldn’t, as I am not.I just hate waiting, and I avoid working whenever I can.Is that so wrong? Yeah, it probably is.Whatever.
You are probably wondering what this has to do with anything, well it has everything to do with everything, including these vegetable pasties.They took work, and waiting. Two things I do not like! But, yes, they were quite tasty, so that whole fucking hard work bullshit probably does come to fruition.
Crap, does that mean my whole spiel about working and waiting is now void? It is possible, anything is possible, you will just have to wait and see.
Crust Ingredients.
- 2 cups of flour.
- Pinch of sugar, or two.
- Pinch of salt.
- 8 tablespoons of vegetable shortening.
- 1/2 a cup of water, if that.
Okay, so I did some research, as I so often do.You know, I like to know the facts, and then share them here. That is apparently how I roll, or whatever.Anyways, to make a truly flaky pie crust, you want to use as little water as possible.You use too much, you are fucked, too little? Well, you will not be able to make a crust and you will just have a pile of crumbly flour, silly person.
So, remember that, when you follow my directions, okay? Okay.
Mix the flour, salt and sugar.You can use a sifter, if you want.You may as well use that sifter you never use.Now, mix in the shortening, tablespoon at a time, mix in well with a fork.Now, add your water.Remember what I just said!
You will need to roll it out, and knead it.It is going to be super crumbly, and seem like you need more water, but the more you work it, the more it will become a dough.Does that make sense, does anything make sense?
Once you have made it into a dough, and it should be still be slightly crumbly, place it in your fridge, and let it cool for a couple hours.
Vegetable Filling Ingredients.
- 1 small onion, diced.
- 2 tablespoons of minced garlic.
- 1 medium sized potato, peeled, and chopped into 1/2 inch cubes.
- 1 carrot, peeled and cut into 1/2 cubes.
- 1 cup of zucchini, cubed, again.
- 1 cup of eggplant, cubed, again.
- 1 cup of vegetable stock.
- 1 tablespoon of balsamic vinegar.
- 1 tablespoon of oregano.
- 1 tablespoon of olive oil.
Okay, so heat up the oil in a skillet, or frying pan.Saute the onions for 5 minutes, over medium heat, then toss in them inced garlic and cook a further couple of minutes.
Now, add in the vegetable stock,oregano,balsamic vinegar, carrots, potatoes, and let it simmer for 15 minutes, till the stock is nearly gone.You should now add in the eggplant and zucchini and cook for a further 5 minutes, or so.
Now it is time to build the pasties, how exciting.First, pre-heat your oven to 410 degrees.
Roll out your dough, it will be tough, but can be done.What I did was I broke up the dough into several pieces and rolled out each piece.I used a bowl to cut out the dough.The bowl was about 5 inches, so work with that.
Cut the shapes out with a knife, and repeat the process till all your dough is rolled, and cut into circles.
Brush the edges of each circle with a little water, and place a large tablespoon of filling, maybe a touch more, in the the middle of each piece.
Fold the circle in half, slightly pinch and twist the two corners, and using a fork, a wet fork, poke and fold in the edges.Now, I should have told you this before, but I will now.Melt a few tablespoons of Earth Balance, and brush it allover each pastie, and brush a baking pan with melted Earth Balance, as well.
I should have maybe said that before, but it slipped my mind, deal with it.I am sorry, that sounded pushy and maybe rude.
Anyways, so filling, fold, fork, brush with butter, and place each piece on a baking pan that has also been brushed with Earth Balance.
Bake for 25-30 minutes, they are a nice golden brown.
While they are baking, you can make this tomato dipping sauce.Huzzah, or not.You could already have a jar of tomato sauce, as you may be lazy, or just think you are a decent cook yet use store bought tomato sauce.Hey, it is your life, buddy.
Tomato Dipping Sauce Ingredients.
- 1 small onion, diced.
- 2 tablespoons of minced garlic.
- 1 tablespoon of olive oil.
- 2 or so cups of diced tomatoes, or one can of diced tomatoes.
- 1 tablespoon of basil.
- 1 tablespoon of oregano.
- 1 tablespoon of balsamic vinegar.
heat the oil up in a pan, saute the onion for 5 minutes, add the minced garlic, cook that another 5 minutes.Stir once in a while, as it will make you feel like you know what you are doing, and it will impress any dates that may be watching you.
Toss in the tomatoes, basil, oregano, balsamic vinegar, and let that simmer for 15 minutes.Has it been 15 minutes? Alright, place this in your processor, and puree it.I left mine slightly chunky, as was my wish, but you can choose chunkiness levels for yourself.
You made your pasties, you made your dipping sauce, you may now eat.I hope.I mean you could just make food for fun, but that sounds totally odd to me, and that is saying something.I know odd, and would be indeed odd.
So, there.A lot of work, and some waiting, and some time, and you have yourself some delicious vegetable pasties.Pasties as a word confuses me, aren’t those also those thing people put on boobs?I think so, and by ” people” I mean those dancer types, not just people, that would also be odd.Maybe.
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I struggled with my balls.Well, I struggled with how I should write about my balls.You see, I could write a seedy, innuendo-filled post, but I have already done that.So, what am I to do?
I do not know.But, I am fairly certain it will automatically sound seedy and innuendo- filled by me just mentioning balls.So, I will just let the chips fall where they may, or let the balls bounce.Something like that.
I am fairly certain that I will not be able to control myself, I mean , I am talking about balls.Come on! These are some great balls.These balls were very tasty, in fact.I would challenge anyone to just have one ball and not want more balls.
I had been wondering how I would try Daiya’s Pepperjack.I think this is a pretty good introduction.You cannot go wrong with balls, can you?
Don’t answer that.
Ingredients.
- 1 cup of Daiya Pepperjack.
- 2 tablespoons of Earth Balance.
- 2 teaspoons of kosher salt.
- 1 teaspoon of chili powder.
- 2 teaspoons of paprika.
- 1/4th cup of flour.
- 2 tablespoons of water.
- 1 cup or so of soy milk.
- Flour for dunking, at least a cup.
- Panko breadcrumbs, a cup or two.
- Oil for a pot or fryer, these could be baked, but I think they are best when fried.
I used a processor.You could maybe use a blender, or if you are truly a masochist: You could maybe use your hands and a spoon.But, come on! Don’t be so archaic.
Place the Daiya, Earth Balance, chili powder, paprika and salt into your processor.process this all till it is finely blended.Next you will want to add the flour and water, and blend that in.Place the dough in a plastic bag, and let it cool an hour or two in your fridge.
While you wait, you can read, watch television, or maybe listen to music, I don’t know.I am not your babysitter.I am sure there are more constructive ways to waste time, but I can’t think of anything.
Anyways, now they they have cooled, it is time to dip and coat them, and then fry them.The tasty and unhealthy part! I am fairly certain you could fry a shoe in batter or breadcrumbs and it would taste delicious.I have not tried this theory out, but perhaps one of you could for me.
Heat up your oil, I use an old pot, but if you have a fryer, that works, too.While it heats up, set up your dipping station.A bowl should have the soy milk, one for the panko breadcrumbs, and one for the flour.Mold the dough into small balls, not too big, not too small.Mold them in your hands, you can mold them all at once, or do as I do, one at a time.
To make a ball do this:Dip in soy milk, roll it in flour, dip in milk, dip in panko, dip in milk, dip in panko, and set aside.Repeat till you have lots of balls.I then carefully dropped them in my pot of oil, and let them cook.You only need to fry them for about a minute, or even a little bit less, as they cook up very fast.
I thought these balls deserved a dipping sauce, so I whipped up one.It is kind of like a ranch dressing, but maybe not exactly.I saw some vegan ranch dressing idea on Vegweb, I think, so I worked from there.
Dipping Sauce Ingredients.
- 1/2 cup of soy milk.
- 1/2 cup of vegan mayo.
- 1 teaspoon of garlic powder.
- 1 teaspoon of onion powder.
- 3 tablespoons of balsamic vinegar.
- 1 tablespoon of chives.
- 1 tablespoon of parsley.
Just whisk all the ingredients in a bowl.Yeah, that was simple.
I will not be making these all that often, only out of fear of needing new pants if I ate too many of them.I would need bigger pants because of my balls.Wait, what? No, I did not mean it that way.
I have some startling news for some of you, and this is by any means easy to break such an anvil or brick of news on you.But, I know you are strong, and I am strong, we all are strong.Shall I go on? I think I should.
Alright, here is the deal: In high school, I was a bit of a nerd.A chubby, unpopular nerd.I know, right? Who was a nerd or unpopular in high school?! I have seen the shows, seen the movies,no one is unpopular, nerdy, or fat in high school.
Oddly, I go from chubby to toothpick fairly often, thanks to all the puking I do to keep myself looking pretty.I picked that up in high school, too.
Oh, wow, that was terrible, and not true.Well, yes my weight goes up and down, but no I do not do that other stuff.Maybe. No, I do not, honest.
Anyways, so in high school, you know already how I was, and I was one of those alternative- art class type nerd.I would often just eat some bland sandwich my mother would make me, or I would have to buy school lunch.Pizza, burger, you know , the typical horribly unhealthy, fast food-like food of the typical cafeteria.I don’t really judge that too much, as I eat junk now, and I am fucking old.
But, I digress, which by now is habitual for me.One of the school lunches I had, and they served, was probably just something someone made up when they realized they had some ground beef and a shit load of potatoes.It is not 5 star dining, but it is certainly comfort food, and you know I how I feel about comfort food.
School lunch could often be hell, for various reasons.I recall the horrible fear of the first few days of a new school year, hoping against hope I would have the same lunch time as my 2 or 3 friends I actually had , or liked.Like life itself, that often did not work out for me.Oh, well.
So, I made something along those lines;It is nostalgia in food form.What would you call this dish? Some fun name? I have no clue.
Ingredients.
- 1 and 1/4 cup of TVP.
- 2 cups of vegetable stock.
- Salt.
- Pepper.
- 1 tablespoon of steak sauce.
- 2 teaspoons of onion powder.
- 2 teaspoons of garlic powder.
- 3 teaspoons of poultry seasoning.
- 1 teaspoon of sage.
- 1 teaspoon of marjoram.
- 1 cup of frozen peas.
- 1 cup of frozen corn.
- 2 tablespoons of Earth Balance.
- 2 tablespoons of flour.
- 1/2 cup of vegetable stock.
- Mashed potatoes.
Okay, first of all, I refuse to write out another mashed potato recipe.If you have trouble making mashed potatoes, then perhaps you should seek out a class , or perhaps a shrink.You will need mashed potatoes for this dish , obviously.
Now that I have cleared that up, we can carry on under the premised that you know how to make fucking mashed potatoes!
Find a large sauce pan, and pour in the two cups of stock, and the TVP.Turn your oven top on, obviously.You want the burner on medium heat.You can now take the remaining ingredients, up to the Earth balance.Whisk, mix, whatever it all in, and let the pan simmer till most of the liquid is gone.
Meanwhile, make your gravy.Heat a small sauce pan on a burner, maybe half way between medium and lower heat. Put the Earth Balance and the flour in the pan, and whisk it together.It should thicken, and look like a gravy!Thin it out a bit with the vegetable stock, and if you wish to add some gravy browner, well you just go on ahead.
You may now stir the gravy into the TVP, and add your corn and peas.Juts let the veggies heat through, and you are done.Scoop some mashed potatoes on a plate, and top with your TVP.You just made yourself tasty comforting version of a school lunch.Oh, boy.
Sorry , I did not have some tray like plat to make it look even more authentic.Well, I am not sorry, but that would have been an ice touch.I guess.
I am gonna go and eat some now;Then I will run into my bedroom, slam the door, blast Pavement and Dinosaur Jr. albums and think about how no one “gets” me.
I want you to close your eyes and join me on a magical ride to imagination land, okay? If you are scared, well too bad.Alright, fine.I can hold your hand if need be.So, here we are.A fluffy, wonderful, exciting land of vegan foods; Fruits, veggies, cakes, pies,cookies, and so on.This land, there are no animals, just the crap I just mentioned.
Now, imagine if there was a lonely apple pie who really wanted a date, something to share time with, just like many of us loser humans! They had gone on a few dates with a cake, thanks to pressure from their pie mother, but it had not worked out.Frankly pie and cake relationships do not last very long.
But then, one day, out of the blue, the apple pie met a cookie, and they fell in love, and decided to to spend their lives together.
How fucking romantic, huh? Or perhaps: How fucking insane an idea that just was and what the hell am I talking about?
Well, fine, this is is what I am talking about:Their love child, a mix of apple pie and cookie.There, now you know, and all the magic of that special bond is now gone, and I really do not know how I can go on now, but I will do my best.
I do not really know what is the best name for this, but it sure was tasty, and that is perhaps more important than some eye catching name.Of course, that is also probably why 2 people read this blog, if that.
Okay, that is a lie, I have a pretty good amount of readers, even if most of them never comment, or whatever.Anyways, that really has nothing to do with anything, so I will just get to the recipe.
Ingredients
- 1 cup of flour.
- 7 tablespoons of earth balance.
- 1/4th cup of sugar.
- 4 apples, peeled, cored, chopped.Somewhat small, please.
- 3/4 cup of brown sugar.
- 3 tablespoons of lemon juice.
- 1 tablespoon of cinnamon.
- 1 teaspoon of nutmeg.
- 1/2- 3/4th cup of chopped walnuts.
- 1/4 cup of flour.
- 7 tablespoons of Earth Balance.
- 1/4 cup of sugar.
- 1 cup of flour.
First, if you are observant, and perhaps you will note that the first three ingredients are the same as the last three.That is not a typo, that is for both layers of the cookie part of this , but make them separately.
PLease, please, please, pre-heat your oven to 375 degrees.Now, grab a bowl, mix 1/4th cup of sugar with the 7 tablespoons of Earth Balance.Really whip it good, like the Devo song.Stir in the flour, till it becomes quite crumbly.
grab an 8 inch by 8 inch pan, and fill it with the mixture, making it evenly spread, and pat it down.Baking in the oven for about 12 minutes, till you just start to see the edges browning, but only slightly.
Meanwhile, in those 12 minutes, combine the apples, nutmeg, cinnamon, lemon juice, brown sugar, 1/4th cup of sugar, and mix that well.layer that on top of the cooked cookie crust that you have now baked for 12 minutes.
Now, I baked this for 10 minutes, then added the second layer of cookie crust and cooked a further ten minutes, and I do not know if that makes much of a difference.So, you could cook it either way, I think.
That sounds confusing.
Damn.
Alright, so bake the cookie crust for 12 minutes, add the layer of the pie filling, and bake another ten minutes.Then, add the top layer of cookie crust and bake another 10 or so minutes.That clears up the confusion, I think.
Anyways, there you have it.
All across America, maybe more so in Washington D.C., Wisconsin, Maine, Florida,and a bunch of other states, we are seeing pretty horrific laws being created by G.O.P. held houses, senates, and governorships.
Suddenly, now in office, all those libertarians and conservatives finally get to put into action all those wet dreams they have only up to now been able to circle jerk over.
Child labor laws? Get rid of those! You make 6 thousand dollars? Fuck you, you are not going to see a Medicare check.You have a union? Well, now you do not have a union, so there!
Tell me where in the constitution it says you can have street signs and stop signs?! You can’t!They must be unconstitutional! They must be anti-American!
Alright, perhaps there is a slight hint of hyperbole in what I just said, but only slightly.
You are now seeing the results of the combination of pro-ultra- capitalism- corporation-loving republicans combing with their buddies, the libertarians.But, what is the actual goal? Is it just some super love of freedom, or is it really just expressing the wishes of large corporations, and others such as those infamous Koch brothers?
Probably both.You do have anarchists-who love money aka libertarians who simple hate public institutions, and you have corporation paid off politicians, doing what they were paid to do.
You may have noticed, there is a lot of union busting going on.What is happening in Wisconsin, Maine, Ohio, Florida, and a bunch of other states is not just some crazy coincidence.They are connected, state by state, and it is under the guise of budget cuts.Am I just paranoid? My tin-foil hat is showing? I am playing with my poop again?
Perhaps not.
You see; If you weaken teachers, weaken schools, cut their budgets, you can be the hero and volunteer to donate books! Books that tell the little shits in the classrooms that pollution is fun! We should all pollute.
Do not listen to those mean scientists, kids!Atmospheric CO2 is fun, and great for you and the planet!
This maybe a little hyperbolic, or not.
So, that is what is going on, Energy companies donating money and text books to schools.You really think it is about them wanting to do the right thing? Do you really think it is just some crazy coincidence that all these states that went red in the last election are facing such draconian laws?
Oh, you do? Well, that would be cute, if it was not so stupid.
Yes, these companies, always under public scrutiny, just want to give a little back!That’s all!
Oh, poor Big Energy! They are only making billions, all the while destroying the planet, and yet some question their motives, and wish to cut their subsidies and actually make them pay their rightful share oftaxes?!
Oh, the horror!
How will they survive? And now this? Meanies like me, pointing out how absurd it is for an energy company to be involved in the education of kids.
I know, they are just trying to help our children!We should get off their backs and maybe we can lessen the burden on these poor energy companies, we can balance it out and get Big Tobacco involved!
Oh, I have a swell idea, an even better idea!Let’s get the meat industry, energy companies, tobacco companies , maybe some fast food companies, and we can allow them to dictate what our students eat and learn!
That definitely may be hyperbole.
I will try and be serious, for a moment.Well, just a little.Okay?
See, libertarians will claim this is all part of our “freedom” and the right of true American capitalists. The corporate carpetbaggers will use junk science to try prevent those poor companies having to spend money on not polluting, or even worse: They may have to completely change what they do, oh noes!
All this got me thinking, and I think maybe the one and only great Republican President, said it best:
“At what point shall we expect the approach of danger? By what means shall we fortify against it?– Shall we expect some transatlantic military giant, to step the Ocean, and crush us at a blow? Never!–All the armies of Europe, Asia and Africa combined, with all the treasure of the earth (our own excepted) in their military chest; with a Buonaparte for a commander, could not by force, take a drink from the Ohio, or make a track on the Blue Ridge, in a trial of a thousand years.
At what point then is the approach of danger to be expected? I answer, if it ever reach us, it must spring up amongst us. It cannot come from abroad. If destruction be our lot, we must ourselves be its author and finisher. As a nation of freemen, we must live through all time, or die by suicide.” – Abraham Lincoln
If you do not see what my point it,I will get back to why I quoted the bearded guy in a moment, I promise.
So, under the guise of freedom, capitalism, and the bottom line, we are left with this;Energy companies creating the books we use in classrooms, government defended pollution,and so on.
I mean it does not stop there with energy companies, it goes beyond just energy companies; These newly empowered politicians are trying to remove anything from child labor laws to constructing tax codes so that corporations can pay even less taxes.As you know taxes are evil, and do not pay for anything but government waste, such as Medicare, Social Security, the military and streets.
Who the fuck needs streets?
If you think any of this is helping to lead to the end of the middle class, you are correct.I will bake you a cookie, or something.
This is what America is slowly becoming;A nation lead by plutocrats and corporatists.It is not just republicans, plenty of democrats are in the pocket of Wall street.Some are not, but a reallygood amount are.
Sadly, when everything is about profit margins, do you really think what is actually best for people is actually going to be considered?or do you think Politicians will do what the people who pay for their elections want them to do?
The amazing part, is many Americans not only support this, but go out of their way to fight for it. Take the hordes of angry teabaggers; They tend to back plenty of these candidates, out of some unknown hate of government, all the while yelling about their Medicare and Social Security, as those they elect are trying to actually kill Medicare and Social Security.
They are electing people who only have one dream, one goal: Privatized.
Make everything about profit, make everything a corporation!
The American Dream!
Yes, privatization; the wet dream of libertarians and conservatives since FDR.Well, as you know; If it is not for profit, it is un-American! The average citizen should take care of themselves, or sink. Survival of the fittest.But, those companies? Oh, they are just so tender and delicate, like a flower, they need our government assistance.
A little hyperbole? Maybe, maybe not.
Perhaps that was not what the bearded dude in the tall hat in mind, when he mentioned suicide, but,this is a form of suicide, is it not?
But, maybe it is not just death by suicide. Maybe it is just death by stupidity.
And that is definitely not hyperbole.
I am sure you have noticed, but I put the more positive thing at the start of the title.That way you are enticed in by the happiness , joy, and yumminess, even though you know gloom and doom may be lurking right past the plate of pancakes.It certainly is not in the maple syrup, I can assure you of that, but it is there.
But, I am not going to begin with the carb cakes, sorry.Lets leave those for later, consider it a sugar rush to bring you back up after all the death talk.
Dr. Death, Jack Kevorkian, passed away.I have not actually really read an obituary, though I am guessing he died comfortably.He was, after all, the furniture salesman of death.No one promised comfort passing over to the next world more then he did in his lifetime, and no one else was more punished for doing so.
I support doctor assisted suicide,just as I support putting down a badly ill dog, cat or other living animal.It is just , well, for lack of a better word, just.It is a highly debated topic, with a lot of divide as shown in a timely, recent Gallup poll.
Some will always be against it, those who think that should be left up to “God”.For others, they have some fear that the medical world will go all “Frankenstein” on them and start killing people who did not need assisted suicide.Yes, I can just see my doctor telling me it would be better for me to end my life than have that knee operation I need.Yeah, I can totally see that happening.
So, he is dead, and for once in his life, he is probably not suspected of being involved in ending a life.Good for him, or something.
We can go on now, being compassionate, by letting people die of cancer and other horrific diseases die the just and noble way.The way they were intended to die.That is right, with lots off pain and suffering, the just way.
Alright, I promised something good, beyond death.These may kill me, or you if you have them, so maybe I can actually tie the two topics together.
I have shocking news for anyone who knows me at all.They would know, as do I, that I never have breakfast.I tend to just wait for lunch, as I like lunch, and I do not like much breakfast-ish food.But, I was bold,crazy, and daring this morning. I had a craving for pancakes.So, as a man of action, I made pancakes.Chocolate chip pancakes.
Pancakes Ingredients.
- 1 cup of flour.
- 1 tablespoon of Egg Replacer.
- 1/4th cup of brown sugar.
- 1 cup of soy milk.
- 2 tablespoons of vanilla.
- 2 tablespoons of baking powder.
This will be short and sweet, as I trust, and more or less hope you have some basic idea of how one makes pancakes.Maybe I am being kind in that assumption, I dunno.
I better play it safe, so heat up your griddle pan, or whatever you use to make your carb cakes.Meanwhile, mix the ingredients in an object cooks and scientists call a “bowl”.
Pour some batter on the griddle, cook on one side, cook on the other side, etc.You have now made some pancakes.Good for you.
Death and pancakes.Pancakes and death.That is life, I guess.
I was not going to post this recipe, as it has actually inspired something ( I think) that will be even tastier, and thus win over more vegan hearts on my long and difficult path to be some famous vegan cooking guru.
But, a post is a post, and it has been a while, and it is not like these were not fantastic.They were, I just think the next idea or two could be mucho better.By the way, that is me showing you that I am bilingual, and thus smart, or something.On a side note,I just used thus twice, well now three times, that is a bit excessive.
I should back it up a bit, and say that who winning over vegan hearts to become rich and powerful is not a goal.Though, if anyone wanted to pay me to cook for them, or pay me to write long rambling recipes for them, I would not complain.Well, I might complain, but that is just my nature.
You know that old story about the scorpion, and the fish, or whatever, and the kind swimming critter brings the scorpion over to the other shore, and the scorpion stings and kills the kind swimming critter? Then uses some shitty defense of it being it’s nature? Well, same thing applies here.I am a complainer, it is in my nature.
I am pretty sure what I have just wrote has nothing to do with this
recipe.
Ingredients.
- 7 tablespoons of Earth Balance, or some other vegan butter I do not use.
- 1/4th cup of sugar.
- 1 cup of flour.
- 1 tablespoon of Egg Replaser.
- 3 tablespoons of vanilla.
- 1/2 cup soy milk.
- 1 teaspoon of salt
- 1 cup of brown sugar.
- 1/2 cup of flour.
- 1 cup of coconut shreds.
- 1/2 cup of almond slivers.
Mix the first three ingredients in one bowl, we shall call that bowl number1.You do have bowls, as we have already gone over this in prior posts.Mix the remaining ingredients in what we shall call bowl number 2.I would go in the order that I listed them, but whatever.
While you are feverishly doing this, as in working hard, not as in you have a fever, as you should be in bed if you are ill.I do care, sometimes.But, before I digress further, preheat your oven to 350 degrees.
Alright, bowl bowls mixed?Find yourself a 9 inch by 9 inch baking ban, like one for brownies.Take bowl number one, and place that mixture in the pan, patting it down, so its even and about an inch thick across the entire pan.Place the pan in the oven and bake for 15 minutes, or so.You just want to see it starting to brown, a little.
Once it has baked, remove from the oven, and layer on what you mixed in bowl number two.You should have two distinct layers, now.Place back in the oven and bake another 20-25 minutes.
Remove from oven, let them cool a spell, and cut into squares.Then, proceed to eat them.If you want, it is still a free country.
